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Are you okay not doing everything with your partner?

Going into a relationship, it is perfectly normal to want to spend every waking moment with your significant other. The honeymoon bubble rings true, and never let anyone make you feel otherwise about wanting to spend most of your day with them! However, have you ever come across an idea for a night out or an adventure that your partner did not want to be part of? While they love you and seem to always agree on what to do together, like any person, sometimes they don’t have the desire to do what you want to do. While many say “your partner should do whatever they can to make you happy,” I pose this question, “why would you want to go somewhere with your partner when you know they feel like they have no choice to be there?”

I have definitely been in that position before. When meeting my partners, we went on many types of adventures throughout the beginnings of our relationship. They were never opposed to going with me to activities, trips, restaurants, etc. I always loved creating new memories between us, while experiencing new places, things and of course, food. However, throughout time, there were many honest moments where they would opt out of a plan, simply because they were disinterested. It is easy to get offended and upset about it, I mean hey, hearing “no,” from someone you love is never fun. Yet, when I was told no, I realized that I did not have to enjoy doing absolutely everything with him. If anything, this opened the door for me to make more plans with my friends, and experience new things with them!

From then, I took this as an act of grace, or a wake up call. You simply don’t need to create years of memories in a single month with your partner. I found that when we did too much, we simply lost ourselves and could never figure out other ideas! Our bucket list was at a halt, and ideas were slim. Which brought me a realization that my own personal bucket list is still not complete! There are hundreds of things I still want to do, and my partner has zero interest in doing them. Let this register in your mind, like it did with me. It. Is. Okay. If. They. Have. No. Interest. It never means they have no interest in doing it with you (if they do, then that’s a major red flag) but, no two people have the exact same interests! If your boyfriend tells you that, he’s lying. Keep things interesting, and keep your bucket list plans spread out throughout time. There is absolutely no rush.

This opened the door to wanting to make more memories and accomplish these bucket list goals with my closest girlfriends. I had been stuck in my relationship bubble for so long, that I forgot memories with my girls are equally or just as important than memories with my boyfriend. The more plans we created, the more I realized that there are certain activities that I enjoyed doing more with my girlfriends! It brought me happiness knowing I was creating everlasting moments with them, and I found myself saying “he would hate to do this, but I’m so happy I’m doing it with other people who love and care about me just as much.”

All in all, I learned that you simply do not have to do absolutely everything with your partner. It is so important for you both to have individual identities outside of the relationship, and this includes hobbies and interests as well. The most important thing ever is – remember that it is perfectly healthy to miss each other too. Give your partner space, and vice versa. Quality time with our friends allows us to explore ourselves, get closer to our loved ones and of course, gives us healthy space from our partners.

Have you taken the time out of your relationship to explore your bucket list? 

XO,

A&B

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