They’re Ready, You’re Not. Now What?

While it’s nice to be on the same page as your partner, let’s be real, that might not always be the case. From your first kiss, to moving in together, it is vital to understand that all relationships move at their own pace. More importantly everyone moves at their own pace based on what they’re comfortable with and maybe even past experiences. This…. and we can’t stress this part enough… is normal! 

If your partner’s on the fence about taking the next step in your relationship, or vice versa, it’s natural to feel hurt, but the pros recommend considering it as a good thing in the beginning. Think about it, this could be a huge sign that your partner wants to make these decisions seriously. Nevertheless, navigating a relationship is hard enough as it is without the added pressure of timing and past relationships, so here are a few things to keep in mind while making your decision:

Communication Is Key

First and most importantly; communication is key to the success of all relationships. When dealing with the sometimes overwhelming rollercoaster of emotions of not being fully ready to progress with your partner, it is best to first try to understand what is holding you back from taking that leap into commitment. By understanding what is truly causing these feelings, you will feel more prepared to communicate through possible resolutions or compromises. And remember to always be honest and kind with your partner. You probably won’t achieve your desired outcome by beating around the bush, but this can be difficult information to take in, especially for a loved one. 

Lay the groundwork for a healthy relationship

Taking things at your own pace before a serious commitment gives your SO the opportunity to show you how much they really care about you. To show you that he or she is willing to respect your boundaries and wishes and that you are worth waiting for. However, compromising is a healthy solution. For example, if your partner wants to move in but you aren’t ready to give up your own space, giving a key to both places could be a healthy middle ground. Making these decisions  can ultimately strengthen the bond between the two of you and build trust for a lasting relationship. Be careful though, if your partner isn’t willing to respect your boundaries or meet at a middle point, he or she isn’t worth your time. 

Waiting may last indefinitely

On the flip slide, your SO might be questioning how long your timeline is. Waiting for your partner to be ready for something more serious may last indefinitely preventing them, or you, from pursuing someone who may be more in sync with your love languages or emotional needs.  Even though your SO may care deeply for you and see a future, it’s possible that they simply aren’t ready to take things to the next level yet. Through all of your feelings (it’s okay, we all have them), don’t forget to consider your own timeline and what you’re looking for in a meaningful, long lasting relationship. Your happiness matters too! 

Accept it or deal breaker?

Once you’ve considered these points, it’s time for some internal reflection to make your final decision. Is this something you’re willing to accept or is it a deal breaker? (LINK TO GOOD PROBS VS. BAD PROBS ARTICLE)  If you’re not willing to move beyond this, maybe it’s time to consider moving on from the relationship. But if this is something you’re willing to accept, definitely bring this up to your partner for a healthy discussion about your expectations and how you can come to a resolution. Take it from a woman who has learned this too many times over, you can’t move forward by brushing things under the rug.

Let us know! Do you think this is simply a red flag or a definite deal breaker?



  1. I’ve definitely been through this one too many times with friends in the past. It’s all about learning & growing…