What are you Willing to Put Up With?

There has probably been a single moment in one’s dating life where they have been approached with the biggest question: “is this even worth it?” While many dread it, it’s important to truly understand the gift that question can give you. As much as you hate to admit it, you’ve probably sat there weighing out the pro’s and con’s in your head — and hey, it’s okay to keep those thoughts to yourself. 

Yet, the small things tend to weigh out the bad things. It seems as though the small things tend to tip the scale, and it brings you to the point of absolute exhaustion. Are the small things actually worth it? There are no definite answers, because some can handle problems better than others. Some view bigger problems as little ones and vice versa. But what is a small or big problem to have in a relationship?

To get it out of the way, big problems should always include abuse and harassment of any kind. This applies to all genders and ages, abuse is absolutely a big problem that should tip the scale way over. Abuse in the form of being scared of your partner in any way should never be okay or tolerated. Harassment is a form of abuse which typically includes your partner blowing your phone up when you are out of the house, questioning your trust everyday, hovering you in public so no other man can get to you, etc.

Smaller problems typically seem to be the deal breakers in some relationships. It’s easy to get mad about the small things, and sure, maybe he didn’t take out the trash for the last month… but is that something to focus on as a serious problem in your relationship? Many disagree that a relationship is work, but at the end of the day you’re basically paying each other in sex and affection so yeah it’s a job. To keep each other happy all the time is seriously impossible. Are these actual problems that should tip the scale over? No matter how long you have been seeing each other, the small things can either be a habit, qualities you cannot change, or simply the joys of everyday human life that can really grind your gears. It’s perfectly healthy to want to punch your significant other in the face every so often; that doesn’t mean you don’t love them and it also doesn’t mean you should punch them in the face.

Life overall can bring up many problems within a relationship. If they’re not putting you first, one could question if their partner is seriously narcissistic or simply just trying to figure their future out before committing to something. Yet, in the grand scheme, you ultimately do want to know if it came down to it, they would put you first. Communication is key, and it’s volatile to remember that your partner cannot read your mind. Be honest with your frustrations, be truthful to them about what you want to see change.  For more information on this, see our article on They’re Ready, Your Not!

Behavioral issues can really tend to tip both spectrums of the scale. Partners tend to overlook the bigger problems, and focus on the little ones. It’s important to note that behavioral issues are often times not fixable, and speak true to the personality of your significant other. You cannot ignore the big issues, like for example, a partner who is overprotective and controlling. While it may look heroic that your partner cares about your whereabouts or does not want any other male breathing in your general direction, it asks the question of where is the trust? 

The big word of conclusion is: compromising. Ultimately, the small problems can be so minut that it can drag on into every conversation for the rest of your life. Taking out the trash, contributing to household chores, visiting families, finances… These are problems that have ultimate solutions. It’s important to see that in a partnership, it takes two to tango. If you both meet in the middle to find resolutions to the little problems, they will suddenly disappear before your very eyes.

Your happiness comes first. If your partner is unwilling to make steps in the direction to not tip your scale over, then what are you doing there? These little speed bumps should not ultimately question your relationship. It seems like in this digitally driven generation, we expect relationships to be perfect in the sense where fighting and disagreements absolutely do not exist. Simply put, every relationship is different. Every personality type is different, which creates dynamic partnerships. It’s normal for anyone outside of your relationship to ask the questions of if this is seriously worth it. Don’t be over analytical on the little problems and always remember that if it tips the scale over — it’s probably time to reevaluate your relationship.

So, what are you willing to put up with?

XO,

A&B

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